Why Is Ethical Porn All the Rave with Lotus Lain

Jordan D’Nelle 0:01
Welcome to Vaginas, Vulvas, and Vibrators with Jordan D’Nelle. This is a safe place to learn about women’s health and sexual wellness. I’m your host Jordan D’Nelle, physician assistant, women’s sexual health educator, and intimacy coach.

Welcome to our first episode of the new year! I am so excited for what I have in store for us this year on the podcast. I am kind of changing directions a little bit and focusing more on the sexual health side of things and how that plays into women’s health. So, I have all kinds of good things planned this year, a lot of really fun, hot, juicy topics and I just cannot wait to share all of them with you guys. So, our first one we are talking about this year is ethical porn. I have a special guest joining us to talk more about what exactly is it, where can you find it, and what do you do when you have children that are potentially exposed to porn and how do you help support them on that journey. So, I hope you enjoy.

Before we get into today’s episode, I want to make sure that you have heard about my Unleash Your Sexual Energy, The Orgasmic Manifestation Experience that is happening here soon. January 18th I am having this interactive live experience to help you use orgasmic manifestation to unleash your 2022 goals and make all of them a reality. Did you know that 53% of people give up on their New Year’s goals by January 19? But this will not be you this year. Join me for Unleash Your Sexual Energy, The Orgasmic Manifestation Experience to learn the tips and tricks that I have for creating your own orgasmic manifestation ritual that is going to help you step into the person that you are becoming. This is so powerful, and I cannot wait to have you there with me. If you are thinking, wow, this sounds awesome; I definitely want more information; go to Unleash.JordanDnelle.com. I can’t wait to see you there.

Joining me today is Lotus Lain. She is a dominatrix cam girl and adult performer since 2012. She is now the FSC’s industry relation advocate, a producer, and activist working with ACLU to decriminalize sex work. She has also been working to influence change around the way sex workers are portrayed in the mainstream media, while shifting the perspective of how explicit sex stories are told.

I am so excited to chat with you today about ethical porn. And this is kind of one of the topics that keeps coming up about: Where are good places to find porn? What in the world is ethical porn? And I’m just excited to chat with you more about that. Do you maybe want to start and tell me a little bit about ethical porn and why you are an expert for that?

Lotus Lain 2:57
I guess you could say I’m knowledgeable because it’s something that I’ve taken into account with the types of jobs that I would take on as far as ethical people always focus on what they’re seeing on screen. Some people interpret ethical as soft lighting and camera effects and moving slower in the act of sex, which I don’t really think the visual aesthetics makes something more ethical. It looks more pleasing to sensitive eyes rather than really rigorous hardcore sex scenes. But I don’t think that just because you’re seeing softer sex on camera means that it was produced in a more ethical way than what you see in a hardcore extreme sex bloobing that could have been produced in the most ethical of manners. Some people might be surprised to find out that there is a line between what is ethical and what is not. It doesn’t come down to just you know, because some people think of it as that and that leads to kink shaming. That type of sex is not ethical, because you can see people are in distress and it’s too much. Some people like to be put in a situation of distress like bondage, for instance, that’s not unethical. Those are some of the most ethical sets that I’ve been on.

So, to say what is ethical? I would say it’s something that aligns with your personal ethics, you as an individual. I can’t paint that picture for you. You know, what is the line for you? For some people the line is a woman being slapped during sex, that’s too much for them. For some people, it’s scat play and you know, the extreme line. So, I would say ethics is something that lines up with how you believe and how you feel morally and ethically and what lines up with your value system and it’s something that’s not making you stretch beyond your comfort level. It’s okay to kind of test boundaries and see what you’re interested in and explore. But if you feel like you’re consuming porn and it’s causing you a mental anguish of moral dilemma, I think that doesn’t align with your ethics.

To be more specific, I would say ethical porn is produced in an ethical manner. There are some productions that don’t give you full information as a performer; they rush the production. So, you’re not able to get in a correct mind space, or even wind down after an intense scene. That may feel like a violation at the end of the day. Because when you’re not put in a position of comfort, when you’re putting your entire naked body out there for the world to see, people around you, working around you, do have to have a little bit more sensitivity to give you space to prepare yourself for that kind of performance.

So, I think ethics comes down to a number of things: are they paid properly, a fair pay rate? Or were they negotiated down? I don’t think that’s ethical. Are they given proper food and care on set? Or were they just told, here’s some dry snacks and water and they’re trying to push through and get all of this energy out of situations like that?

There are so many things that go into ethics, it’s literally how do you treat people on set? How do you treat people through the process of booking? How do you treat people once they’re paid and then off your set? You know, because there’s so many times between the booking phases, where you’re kind of treated like, I wouldn’t say a number, but just in and out which is robotic – get it done like a conveyor belt of just yes, no questions, get it done and get it done. Here’s the location, you’re done. Good. That I wouldn’t say is unethical. But it starts to lean into that territory when people don’t feel they have space or time to speak up or ask questions. So, I know I said a lot for that. But, you know, I get asked this question often. And I really think that people want an easy answer. Well, if you see this on screen, this is unethical. And if you see that on screen; it’s not that easy. What it really comes down to is how does a production actually treat and value the performers that are making its money?

Jordan D’Nelle 7:10
I think that answer is so fabulous, because I never even thought about the kink shaming side and the actual act that is happening on the porn. when I think of ethical porn, my thought immediately went to consent, proper pay, negotiation of what that all looks like, and that side of things, you know, we talk about Pornhub a lot of times is one of those places where maybe you can find ethical porn there, but they’re not necessarily known as a place to go for ethical porn. So that was kind of what comes to mind for me, so I love that you brought all that up.

Lotus Lain 7:50
Right? And it’s amazing that people don’t know that you can go to Pornhub for ethical porn. I mean, yes, it is like the large marketplace where you can find everything under the sun, and most of it is mainstream. But if you tailor your words, or things to that nature to kind of be more skewed in a way, you could even type in ethical, you could even type in feminist, you could type in different words, it might not be exactly that, but it might take you out of the realm of like the mainstream haul on the tube site. But there are so many independent content creators on Pornhub uploading their own personal content, it may be with their own partners at home, or people that they know. And yeah, most of the times those are the things that are coming into play as negotiations. Is there room to ask questions? Is there time? Or is it rushed? You know? So, yeah. Another good tube site is actually xHamster. That’s another one that actually really pays attention to the women search engine kind of options and stuff like that. They’re really women centric, as far as paying attention to the things that we like what we’re into and kind of trying to push those more at the forefront of the main page.

Jordan D’Nelle 9:06
I love that. And that’s good to know that there are some other good resources. Something I was just kind of looking up here was, I never even thought about people posting their own homemade porn videos, especially like exhibitionist that, sometimes they may have a lot of joy or pleasure out of other people watching them. And sometimes like porn doesn’t necessarily this whole production so to speak, it could be more of just like, hey, this is me and my partner at home. And I enjoy sharing it for other people to watch.

Lotus Lain 9:39
Yeah, yeah. That’s one of the reasons for the rise and only fans. They’re not all professional porn stars that have created content on there and people are realizing this is an outlet to either a make money or express themselves sexually if they have that exhibitionist streak, which I love. But if we want to go into what are some ethical actual production companies, Pink and White Productions from up in San Francisco is a good one. You can straight up type their name into a search engine. That might be a better way of figuring out what it is that they offer. But that’s another one that I really like their approach. When they do the Crash Pad series, they allow the performers themselves to determine what kind of sex they’re going to have. So, it’s not prescribed. It’s the performers themselves the way normal people would when we’re about to have sex. Figure out what type of sex we’re about to have based on what we like and what we’re interested in each other. I really like that because it always comes out with a you never know what you’re going to get kind of fun sex scene. Another good one is foreplay films. That’s up and coming. Another good one is Erica Lust. Another good one is King Noir and Jasmine’s Royal Fetish Productions. So yeah, those are a few. I’ve heard of Black Touch. I’ve not met those people. But what I see online seems great, and their philosophy about the way that they conduct themselves. So that’s another thing to look out for. If you’re confused about where or who is actually producing ethical porn, look at the production company page, look at the producer’s Instagram, look at their Twitter, look at the director’s Instagram or Twitter; see the way they talk. See the way they talk about their performers. You know, if it’s like, these bitches always show up late or never on time, then you kind of know that’s their attitude about the people that they work with. Or if it’s, I am so honored and proud to be able to work with such sexual professionals, they see it in a more ethical way. So that’s another way of determining what’s what.

Jordan D’Nelle 11:55
I love that. And I think that actually brings up a good point is that even with these consented ethical porn situations, sometimes you can use language like some women may enjoy, or some partners may enjoy being talked down to and being called bitch in the middle of the act. So, there is that normal side of that, too, that would still be considered ethical, in my opinion. But that could be different for somebody else.

Lotus Lain 12:21
Yeah, totally. I mean, that’s what I say, when it comes down to ethical porn it’s what is your own personal ethics. And I think that is the wonderful thing that I love about porn. But it’s also the thing that causes us a lot of strife, because that’s why the outside world wants to regulate us so much, because their morals, don’t line up with our morals. And what we consider ethical as far as sexual expression is not massively accepted as what is sexually ethical, so it’s a whole thing. But I think, personally, if you do a little bit of research, you can see where you will want to land.

Jordan D’Nelle 12:55
Yeah, and you brought up the way the sex industry is viewed by some individuals. And there’s so much shame associated with talking about sexual health. I mean, we see this on Instagram when people are banned. I know, I think you’re friends with Miss Sapphire. And she talks about that a part of why she took her podcast, she is no longer continuing her podcast. There is all of this shadow banning.

Lotus Lain 13:25
Yeah, it’s really unfortunate. It definitely seems like Instagram and those kinds of major social networks just see us as pariahs, and don’t actually see us as sexual business professionals, which we are. This is legal work that we’re doing. And even in the case, when it’s not legal; there’s so many illegal things that I see on Instagram and Twitter that don’t get banned. So, I don’t understand the obsession. Well, I mean, I do understand the obsession, it’s sex. They’re obsessed with sex. And honestly, I think a part of those kinds of people’s mentality is they really do enjoy controlling the way other people have sex. Whether it’s a conscious enjoyment or not. It’s the kind of people that would say, like, oh, did you hear so and so’s having sex and doing this when we were in high school? Who gives a fuck? That’s their personal business. It’s like that kind of shaming and institutional invalidation of our work.

Jordan D’Nelle 14:24
Yeah, and I’m the girl over there that’s like, Well, did they enjoy it? And I’m all about, you know, if they liked it, who gives a shit what they did? They had fun.

Lotus Lain 14:32
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I’m all about fun and enjoying myself and expressing myself and having the world be a place where other people can enjoy and express themselves freely. So, I’m always gonna pay for that stuff.

Jordan D’Nelle 14:46
Yeah, so why is it important to support ‘ethical’ porn over ‘non-ethical’ porn?

Lotus Lain 14:56
Well, I mean, the reality is ethical porn is what porn wants to be. It is what people want porn to be. The non-ethical porn that exists where people are maybe lied to, coerced, assaulted, even in the worst cases, I honestly, personally do not believe that those people belong in the porn industry. I believe that those people are what makes sex and the idea of sex and porn feel insidious, because of the permeation of these kinds of people in our industry, which is sad, because it’s not even the majority. I have been in the industry for now, nine years, know that most of the people in our industry are really loving, caring, open minded, honest to goodness, people that just enjoy having sex and being around that kind of lifestyle. And then there’s like, the 10% of people that like to use that to manipulate, coerce, gain, come up off of other people, and that’s always what gets put out there the most. That’s always what gets broadcast. That’s what gets, you know, put into news stories is those kinds of people. You do not hear about the porn star that’s been working 20 plus years and runs, you know, animal shelter, even though that is a real person, you hear about the bottoms out people that got lied to bride producers, they got raped, they got left out in the cold somewhere and had to hitchhike their way home, you hear about always the tragedies. And I feel like that is a tragedy and of itself, because our world and the world of sex and sexual expression is not inherently insidious. And I feel like people’s focus on porn being traumatic is a kind of weird porn itself, like trauma porn, like they are also expecting porn to be traumatic. And that’s like a kind of porn in itself because it’s actually not as traumatic as people would like it to be. To prove their moralistic points, you know, and I think that’s largely part of the political and social media push against us. They don’t want to see independent women like myself, single mothers, porn stars, actually being successful and thriving, and not living a life of stress. They can control one little aspect to see, look at those whores living awful lives, and they don’t make enough money and they’re begging in the streets. No, we’re not begging in the streets. We literally just want our business to be visible because it’s legal. And we are making a lot of money with it.

Jordan D’Nelle 17:31
And you’re killing yourself.

Lotus Lain 17:33
Oh no I kind of went off.

Jordan D’Nelle 17:36
Yeah, well, you’re so right. It’s just, if this is how an individual chooses to make money, whatever that looks like, it doesn’t fucking matter. It doesn’t matter. It’s none of your business. And as long as you feel comfortable with what you are doing, at the end of the day, it’s your decision, it’s your life. And why do other people feel the need to step in and place their own perspective to how you should live your life?

Lotus Lain 18:07
Yeah, and what’s unfortunate that of course, like we women, independent, making our own money, or even the male and non-binary sex workers that are making their own money off of sex, we’re shadowbanned. Yet people, like conservative crazy people, that are literally pushing false agendas like the Alex Jones guy who didn’t get deplatformed. until years later, and so many people screaming and hurt parents screaming about how he was making up false stories about all of the things that happened with children that died and all of this stuff. That type of stuff does not get the deplatformed yet the moment you see too much butt cheek, oh my god, shadowban, cast to hell; how dare you; you’re ruining children’s lives. Oh okay, but we can shoot children up at school. That’s cool. But don’t you dare let a child see a butt cheek? Then their life is over. Yeah, that’s the moment you see another woman’s butt cheek, it’s over. You’re corrupted.

Jordan D’Nelle 19:08
It’s so interesting too how like on Instagram, there is a difference between bodies as well. So, if it is an “ideal” body, you’re less likely to be shadowbanned. But if it is a “non-traditional, preferred body style”, you’re more likely to be shadow banned. And I have seen it happen to my friends. And it’s crazy.

Lotus Lain 19:31
Yes, yes, absolutely. It’s really so in our face. And it’s so blatant. They are not ever held accountable. They’re not capable of addressing things directly. And it’s really, really upsetting that this has become something that we all use daily and depend on and they can’t be held accountable in any kind of way. I feel the same way about Google and stuff. People want to blame porn because it’s so easily accessible. Who makes it accessible? Where does porn live? On the internet? Who controls the internet? The search engines. That’s where you first originally type stuff in. Even if you just go straight into your web browser, and you just type sex, it’ll take you to the Google Search drop of sex. And that’s what I’m talking about. People want to blame porn for how easily accessible it is. The search engines themselves can reorganize the algorithms to make tube sites, sex sites, anything of that nature less prominent in the first pages of searches, because I know that is the case, you don’t even have to type in the word sex, sometimes you can just type in like black leggings and accidentally end up with some horny ass posts about black leggings. And you’re literally just shopping for black leggings. So, I do think that is a problem. And I don’t think that lies on the porn companies at all. Because how is it that a child innocent at the age of 10 can type in a search engine black leggings, because they’re looking for black leggings, and then they get exposed to some fucked up horny porn that wasn’t meant for children, it was meant for adult entertainment. And then the entertainment is blamed. I don’t think that is ethical or right either for people that want to tell the way this affects society. Society itself is not even holding the right perpetrators accountable.

Jordan D’Nelle 21:18
So, they put all of this shadowbanning on Google over certain things. They have the control, but they choose when they want to use that control, and they choose how to use it to potentially manipulate the population?

Lotus Lain 21:35
I think so I think so. I definitely think so. And it’s really unfortunate, because I think it’s creating all of the frustration and upset that we have amongst people, amongst genders, amongst generations, just because people aren’t really understanding each other. And I mean, honestly, if they put more of sex educator, sex educational, sexual wellness stuff to the front of search results, as opposed to just extreme hardcore tube sites, and nothing against that, that’s where I work. I love extreme hardcore porn. But I do understand too, that that’s not what needs to be at the front page of searches, especially on the front page of innocent searches that have nothing to do with sex. But they somehow still make their way into those search results. It’s unfortunate because I kind of remember something having to do with radio programming too in the 90s that was sort of similar with all of the programming of gangsta rap, and that kind of misogynistic music, even though at the time there was still a conscious rap being produced. That’s not what got put out on the radio waves to be put into the masses to be put into the people’s ears. And it’s, I don’t know, it’s in my mind. It’s a weird, insidious way of kind of like mind control, without being to conspiracy theory, but the powers that be enjoy it. Because we’re running around in circles. We’re needing therapy, we’re needing medicine, we’re needing help. We’re needing drugs, we’re needing alcohol, we’re needing treatment, we’re needing, needing, needing in a constant state of needing something, and that produces economy. And it’s a really fucked up cycle. But I think, honestly, I think many things can be healed through sex and understanding each other, and just being open to hearing each other’s stories sexually and not judging.

Jordan D’Nelle 23:28
Yes, you are so, so right. Now, you brought up something about kids. And the reality is most kids learn about sex through porn. They stumbled across it, at some point, how it happens. Part of the work that I do as a sexual health educator is helping parents feel more confident to talk to their children about sex, because that’s one of the big things too, if you didn’t have that good education, how are you going to talk to your kids about it? If you don’t feel confident with that conversation? And so, are there any good resources for kids to learn about sex in terms of like porn? Like, it seems kind of counter intuitive, but at the same time, they’re all going there.

Lotus Lain 24:12
Yeah, exactly. I know exactly. There, gosh, I can’t think of the name exactly. But I feel like it’s like silver teen or something like that; something with the word s and then teen at the end, I’m blanking on the actual name. But that seemed like one of the best resources I had seen recently that was talking to kids. It was for teens, and it was talking about sex and gender and porn in a way that wasn’t trying to scare them. It seemed like it was talking to them on their level. I’m trying to think of what it was called. I don’t think it was silver teen it was something else teen. But anyway, yeah, there aren’t that many resources that I know that exists. Mostly what I’ve heard is because parents are so afraid of where the message is coming from or who it’s coming from that it kind of ends up stalling the advancement of that business or education series. One thing I remember recently I read, it was on the East Coast, this lady, this educator, she was trying to actually introduce porn literacy to teenagers at the private school there. And of course, you know, the stupid ass parents that be ruined it, and that whole program didn’t become anything, and they also misinterpreted it. And they’re like, you’re going to be showing our kids porn in school and like, no, they’re fucking watching it at home, Martha, wake up. Like, damn, I was just so disheartened reading this news article, because I was like, dude, this is exactly what kids would need. And it was coming from a person that is exactly the type of person you would want it to come from, an educated person, master’s degree, study sexual women’s studies, all this stuff, upstanding in the eyes of parents, you know, like moral, and they still wouldn’t even take it from this person. And I’m like, okay, so they definitely wouldn’t want to hear about sex education from a porn performer. But even though I’m the most educated, more so than them, and they’re like, one, two to three boyfriends that they had before they got married type of life, you know, and I’m just saying this average mom, dad, normal conservative parents’ upbringing. And it’s really unfortunate, because, yeah, kids, they see porn, and it’s exciting. I liken to the way kids see porn, when they see it underage, it’s like candy on a table. When you put candy on a table, the kid is gonna eat the fucking candy. They see their eyes light up, they’re gonna get excited, they’re gonna eat it. And even if you say, there’s candy on the table, but don’t eat it, don’t touch it, they’re gonna do all the sneaking and then they’re gonna sneak a candy. And that’s what happens with tube site porn, free porn. If you talk to your kids, and you teach them about real relationships, or real interactions, or their body, their consent type stuff from a small age, like from the age of three, my kid knew about their body parts, you know, around age like seven, it was about consent and touching by the age of 10. I asked him, Do you know what consent mean? And they said, Yeah, Mom, it’s an agreement between two people. Simple, but they understood the concept. And if you’re not teaching your own kid this, how the fuck do you think that they’re even going to fare at the age of 16 when Bobby, the hot guy is squeezing their boobs and going down their pants, or when I’ve even seen it where the hot cheerleader girl is trying to get with your son, and he’s not fucking ready? How are you? Do you know how your kids are going to handle that? Because I’ve been a teen, and I’ve seen it both ways with my friends with the guy not being ready and the girl was super ready, or the girl is not ready, being pressured into stuff. And you don’t even talk to your kids about basic consent. Those are the situations that they’re really going to be in and they’re not going to know how to deal with it but give a fuck about porn because really what it comes down to is the basics act of does your kid know how to say no with confidence? And do they know how to say what they want with confidence?

Jordan D’Nelle 28:07
Yes, I have a bunch of episodes coming up all about sexual health in schools and parents talking to their kids and things, because it is such an important thing. And you brought up the whole private school situation. The biggest problem I see with schools is that we need to get this education in there and the parents are like, oh, well, they need to learn it, but they’re not going to learn it at home and I’m not okay with the school teaching it. So where are they supposed to get it?

Lotus Lain 28:36
Exactly porn, that’s where they go the internet, or each other, and oh, I heard this, and look at this funny tick tock and . . . I get it I was a kid too. We didn’t have the internet is in such a serious manner of our lives. We definitely were looking at like magazines or you know, pay per view sites or someone’s dad left his password on, so we went and looked at something. We found our ways to. It’s like I said, it was candy on the table, and we were going to eat it and find a way to eat it no matter what. But I think if you educate your kids and give them the freedom to know how to talk to you in the space and the comfort to come to you, or even just have conversations, like if you’re just watching a movie with your teen and the sex scene comes on, don’t turn it off or fast forward it don’t make them close their eyes, instead lean into it and maybe talk to them about the way that the sex scene played out. I mean, it’s gonna be fucking awkward. I don’t give a fuck, it’s gonna be awkward, but deal with it. I would rather deal with an awkward conversation with my teenager where I’m in charge of the conversation rather than years later trying to help them come out of a situation that could have been prevented because they didn’t even know how to deal with it or something. Whether it be pregnancy, assault, there’s a whole bunch of negative things that can happen out of sex and not understanding sex. And I would love for my teen to never have to deal with that so I’m talking to them. But yeah, I mean, there’s been times when a sex scene comes on in a movie, and I’m just like, oh, what do you think about how he grabbed her? Or what do you think about the way that ended? Did she look like she enjoyed it? You know, ask those kinds of questions, and get your teen to think about it, and what that looks like and feels like, or even if it was good be like, whoa, now that is the way it should happen. If there’s a good one, if it’s that awkward, just be like, okay, and that’s the way it happens. That’s a good way of how it goes. I know it’s gonna be awkward, but I really think we parents, we have to be the ones to step in and step it up. No one is going to save your teen but you.

Jordan D’Nelle 30:42
Yeah, I think that’s such good advice. And anytime you have a hard conversation, whether it’s with your kid about porn, whether it’s a difficult conversation with a partner, difficult conversation with a parent, it’s awkward. Nobody enjoys it. But you feel so much better. And you can confidently know where your children stand, what more information they need, you can just feel so much more confident in what information they’re getting too, if you start the conversation.

Lotus Lain 31:14
Yeah, yeah, it’s so true, because you’ll be surprised, you’ll be surprised. And sometimes you’ll be surprised in a positive way, like, oh, you were already in a situation, and you already handled it? So, I already taught you the good things, oh. But you won’t know unless you talk with your kids. So, I feel like parents really have to step it up and be a bit more involved. One of the things I’m just realizing with the way that the whole entire world is moving is like in the 80s and 90s, we’re moving towards like the 50s and 60s like automation. Everything needs to be easier, smoother, make everything easier, everything easier. And I get that. And now it’s come to a point where everything is so easy that we now have to be a bit more involved. Like, even as a porn star, I used to just be able to show up on set, make my money and go home. Now, I have my sites, Now I have my social media things, all of those things I have to keep up with. My DMs I have to keep up with my fans. So, it’s a lot more involved. But with that said, I’m a lot more in control and I have more freedom too and it’s the same thing with parenting, I think you have to be a lot more involved with your kid, you have to be a lot more interested in their interest, and know what it is that they’re into, because there’s so much internet access at all times coming at them that yeah, it’s gotten too easy. And now it’s too automated. And now you have to be more involved. And maybe even with food consumption, too, it’s too easy to just get anything you want and what tastes good and what’s available. So, you have to be more involved in researching what’s a good company that’s not poisoning me, you know?

Jordan D’Nelle 32:40
Absolutely. You just got to be more involved, period. Now, I would love to kind of pick your brain and switch gears a little bit and talk a little bit more about what the journey is like, as a porn star. Like how did you get into this? You said it’s been nine years? Tell me a little bit more what that looks like.

Lotus Lain 33:00
Alright, yeah, I mean, wow, to be honest, I didn’t come into this industry with like a business minded concept at all. It was totally about freedom of self-expression, and kind of just like, my way of like saying, fuck off society, I’m deciding to go off on this deep end of self-discovery and sexual exploration. Because the way everyone saw your entrance into porn was like, that’s it that you’re done, you’re dead in the water, it’s the point of no return, you can never come back. You know. So, I was like, Alright, I’m ready to never come back, I guess. And that’s not what I experienced, you know. I experienced the people that do have that kind of experience of where they don’t come back, or they bought them out, or you don’t see them or hear from them anymore after six months to two years is because of the unethical situations they’ve been put in, that made them compromise themselves, that made them feel shame, humiliated, and demoralized. And those are the things that we hear about, about the porn industry. And those are the things that I started to realize were what caused the stigma of our industry. Even though that wasn’t the common experience, it might have been an experience that many people held, but it wasn’t like, everyone goes through this, you know. And I felt kind of a little bit too privileged and not having had really bad experiences. So, I really wanted to help other people not have those experiences, I had friends and I just wanted to kind of get people aware of the right decisions that they need to make to be actually successful in our industry. Because a lot of times the people that are successful, they just got told the right things at the right time. And a lot of people that didn’t make it as easily is because they got gaslit or told lies are got steered in the wrong direction that cost them 1000s of dollars. And then how can you recoup from that when you’re already working in an industry so heavily stigmatized that you can’t step outside of it and get other work, or that’s what you’re told. I had side jobs when I had first started working and I was just so paranoid worrying, like, oh my god, people are gonna find out and that wasn’t the case. And then it was like, okay, it just kind of shifted my mindset. The further I got in I was like, alright, you can make a business out of this, alright, you can actually help people make this industry better instead of just saying, Oh, it sucks. Those people suck. You can inform people and make people aware and so each year just kind of started shaping me more into the advocate and performer and activist that I am, which is not originally my first goal. I really just wanted to express myself sexually make some money. I wanted to go to swinger parties, but they were expensive. So, I was like, How do I do swinger stuff, but not pay swinger funds so I was like, oh, make money while doing it in porn. So seriously. Yeah. I had to change my whole mindset as the years went on, but I felt like, like me doing this is way more valuable than me just trying to constantly have more sex. I’m having sex, but I feel like me putting my passions into this part of the industry helps elevate it a lot more than me just being another cog in the system fucking, fucking, fucking, we’re all gonna see beautiful bodies fucking I want to see more beautiful types of bodies, fucking different types of beautiful bodies fucking, and not being demoralized, because they got fed the wrong info.

Jordan D’Nelle 36:23
Yes. Now I am really curious to know, do you get to pick ever like who you want to be intimate with?

Lotus Lain 36:30
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that’s great. It is great. Sometimes. I would say it’s 50/50 you know. So, half of the time the studio or production company already has who they have in mind. And you can still decide, and it’s like, okay, either, yes, I will take this booking and work with the person that you’ve chosen for me or no, they’re on my no list, or no, I’m not going to work with that person. So, you always have a choice. But then sometimes you get the even more beautiful choice of like, who do you want to work with you? And then you’re like, oh, wow, I can just submit a name? And then that’s pretty fun. Because then you’re just like, oh, wow, who would I like to? So yeah, I love that. I love when they let you pick. But I mean, it’s also fun when they don’t because it’s kind of like a fun ooh, mysterious grab bag, like, who did you pick for me?

Jordan D’Nelle 37:15
I love that. I feel like that would be so fun to be able to have your say. I hate to compare it to this, but it’s like out in the real world where you go to the club and you’re like, okay, that’s what I want. But in this situation, that’s what you get.

Lotus Lain 37:30
Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can really get them. Yeah, it’s really fun. Yeah, actually, one of my scenes that I had filmed earlier this year was that it was kind of a surprise, but I gave them a shortlist of five guys that I would choose from, and then they just chose but then I didn’t know until I got to set which of the five dudes they choose. So that was pretty fun. Yeah, that was pretty fun.

Jordan D’Nelle 37:50
That sounds like a ton of anticipation. And you’re like, ooh, who’s gonna be there? What’s this gonna be like?

Lotus Lain 37:54
Yeah, like he’s gonna walk through the doors just like killing me. It was so fun, though, to do it that way. Totally. A little bit different. But yeah, totally fine.

Jordan D’Nelle 38:03
I love it. I love it. Well, thank you so much for chatting with me today. This has been a wonderful informational conversation, and I really appreciate you taking the time to sit down with me. I am curious if there’s one thing that the listeners take away from today’s chat, what would you like it to be?

Lotus Lain 38:22
One thing I would say you should take things into your own hands. Whether you’re a parent, worried about your kid, whether you’re a single person trying to get off and find the best ethical porn, whatever it is, you got to take things into your own hands and do that research because you will find what you are looking for. But you got to do it yourself.

Jordan D’Nelle 38:46
Yes, I think that’s great advice. And I think that that flows into all areas of life even outside of this is just take control of your own shit. Period. Where can the listeners find you at?

Lotus Lain 38:58
Yeah, I’m on Twitter and Instagram under the same name @ItsLotusLain. So that’s where you find me for Twitter, Instagram, and of course my only fans. I’m also on Pornhub under Lotus Lain. So yes, subscribe, like all that good stuff. And hopefully you guys enjoy.

Jordan D’Nelle 39:21
Yes, thank you so much. I will be sure to put all those links in the show notes so that people can find them as well. Thank you; have a wonderful day.

This episode is sponsored by Pure Romance by Jordan Jones offering top bath and beauty products and relationship enhancement items. Check out the link in the bio to start shopping today. By shopping you are supporting this podcast.

Thank you for joining today and continuing to bring awareness to women’s health. If you love this show, please subscribe so you never miss another episode. And leave a review for others to see. If you want to see me on the daily, you can check out my bio for links to all my pages Be sure to share this episode with your girlfriends Thanks again and see you next episode.

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